Mormon

So here's a brief summary of my experiences with the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. One might say this is my Testimony of the Church*.

At the end of my freshman year of college, my friend Eric Stull baptized me in a ceremony at his church. He was, and is, Mormon... as they are generally called. As part of this baptism, I officially became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, in the same way that if I had gone through a membership class at a Methodist, or Anglican Church. So 'officially' I became (and continue to be) an official Mormon by the statistical records. My reasoning for being baptized in this way may not make sense to many at first, but if you bear with me, I will try my best to explain why it made sense in my case, and also why a year after my baptism, I stopped attending service at that Church and eventually made my way back to a Non-Denominational Church which I had a previous affiliation with. Lets start at the beginning.

I have always had a serious drive to investigate problems. When I was a small boy, I called this investigation "sciencing" something. For example, I used to have a collection of junk. Doesn't every kid have such a cool collection? This junk consisted in broken machines or machine parts; vacuums, cameras, VCRs, lights, car parts, etc. I liked to take them apart to see how they worked, and then, if possible, put them back together. So, if my mom one day caught me taking apart our old Atari gaming system, I would simply look up from the pile of parts and plastics to very seriously reply that I was "sciencing", or trying to figure out how it worked. Usually it was a pretty simple and safe affair. There were a couple times when "sciencing" in the realm of electricity, or with the use of my chemistry set almost ended me, but those details will be left for some later confession. This drive to investigate to the depths of a subject stayed with me as I've grown and new interests have taken priority.

After I spent middle school investing in my hobbies of the time film, baseball, martial arts, and space exploration, I came to a place where I began looking to problems of right and wrong. These were a little more complicated than dealing with how best to use a video camera, or how best to throw my sparring opponent across the room without seriously hurting him/her. As happens when people begin this ethical exploration, I turned to religion and philosophy as my primary tools, because most scientific tools do not allow you to explore the impossible. As science explores the natural realm, so philosophy and religion explore both the natural and beyond into the endless possibilities of the super-natural. My reading lead me to become part of a Nondenominational Church during High School, but as I graduated, I felt a great depth of emptiness on the area of knowledge about God, life, ethics, and religion. I began an intense exploration into other belief systems (i.e. religions). Most of this included simply reading of sacred scriptures, and taking classes that explored religion and philosophy in detail. Enter stage right my friends Katie, Eric, and Karen.

These were some of the Mormon friends that I knew from High School, and with whom I still had a fairly regular contact. I had known Eric for about 6 years, and Katie and Karen for 3-4. They had invited me to come and learn about their Church and being open to learning, I went. If you have any Mormon friends, you know kind of how this all works. There is a system that is repeated worldwide for sharing and encouraging people to explore the claims of their faith. Taking on the challenge, I met with a couple of nice boys from Utah, going through the Missionary classes that they gave where they talked to you about their history, and faith in brevity, and eventually ask you to be baptized as a member. Ideally, you get one lesson a week for six weeks (if I remember right) and then you are asked to pray and get baptized. Unfortunately for my Missionary friends, I took over a year to go through the lessons because I really wanted to read and pray about this before making any hasty decisions. After my final lesson, they asked me if I wanted to be baptized, and I turned them down. After a year of prayer, reading, research, and reflection, I did not feel that the Mormon claim to history and God was legitimate. Here is very roughly how it played out in my mind.

Pros of the Church

1. Religious Fervor: My original attraction to the LDS Church came from their passion for things religious. I had that same passion. God was good and I wanted to know as much about that as I could. At first, my friends and those who I made at the church made the same impression on me.

2. Organization: Knowing only a church that was fraught with doctrinal and organizational chaos, I was very relieved to find a church that was managed the way I felt lives should be. That is, it should have a set of eternal core truths that all else in the church is based off of, without contradiction, but with enough flexibility to change with the changing times. This leads to my next point of interest…

3. Doctrine: It is nice to be able to have a church that, in essence, has an answer to any question. This allows for a depth of study that is easily accessible, and allows for clarity at all levels as to how to act ‘rightly’ in any situation. ‘Righteousness’ becomes attainable.

4. Community: Beyond all else, one of the things that the LDS Church does well is create a cocoon of community where you feel welcomed and taken care of. You can really belong to something beyond yourself that is clear and attainable. This is what a church needs to be to care for its members (parts). It also creates a world beyond our day-to-day ‘world’ where life really is different, giving a taste of heaven in a world filled with hate, greed, and suffering.


All of these qualities were/are an encouragement to those who continue to explore the Church, and are blessings that members point out as some of the many things that separate them from, well, everyone else. These where my points of interest, and the things that encouraged me to seriously, fervently, and honestly explore the Church, its story, and doctrines. This exploration was not just a mental exercise, as everyone who I have talked to about it in the Church has alluded to. It was also a spiritual exercise. I used prayers of all types; long, short, persistent, humble, silent, sacrificial, specific, in conjunction with a fast (done more than a dozen times), and even prayers in the English of the KJV (King James Version of the Bible). I got no feelings that lead me to believe that the Church was the One True church beyond all others. If anything else, the more I prayed, the more I felt that it wasn’t. I continued to turn down offers from the Missionaries to be baptized. My friend Karen was at her greatest influence in my life at this point, and we had many conversations about why I should be baptized. She encouraged me to be baptized, and told me that afterwards all of my doubts would finally be settled. The argument was that the spirit would show me the Truth; that the Church was True, and that alone I was simply afraid of the truth, being comfortable in my knowledge and judgment on life. I disagreed but got stuck on this idea of having a final conclusion to my exploration. If I got baptized, I would have gone as far as one can go into the Mormon experience, becoming in essence once of them. Either the Spirit would slap me upside the head finally, and I would know what a fool I’d been, or I would have a final justification for my rejection of these beliefs. I was however a little weary that I could even get baptized if I didn’t believe the basic tenets of the church; that it is the One True church, that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God, and that there was a Prophet alive today who received revelation from God. Strangely enough though, this was not a problem with the Missionaries or Leaders of the Church who I had to interview with. They were all quite confident that the Spirit would alleviate any doubts that I had once I was baptized. So, having no fear of water, and being ready to settle the matter, I set a date and made the plunge.

After a year of continued exploration, I gave up the pursuit. I received an answer, my Testimony by the spirit, and that testimony rejected the claims of the Church. Beyond the spiritual exploration, my efforts in studying and comparing the Mormon scriptures (with both themselves, and the Protestant Bible) along with a non-biased study of Mormon history encouraged me in this conclusion. Now, as the nice Elders who I talked to yesterday said, “Did I read much anti-Mormon literature? Is that why you stopped believing?” The answer to the first is yes. I did read some anti-Mormon literature. It is hard to read about anything in detail without running across their critiques. There are two kinds of critiques, the first being the general rant of a hate-filled (most often) ex-member who feels betrayed, used, and abused by the church in general, or by particular members. These are easy enough to find online. I read a few of these, but honestly cannot stomach incoherent rambling for very long. The critiques that I prefer usually come in book form, or can be found in online journals. One book that does a balanced job of exploring the Mormon story is named, Mormon America: The Power and the Promise, by Richard N. Ostling and Joan k. Ostling. If you want to have a thorough, unbiased exploration into the history and claims of the church, this is a good place to start, and covers most of the controversy on both sides. Now, about the Second question.

Did I stop believing in the Church because of anti-Mormon literature? I’d have to say that I stopped going more because of my exploration into Mormon literature that into the anti-Mormon. I spent time pouring over the writings of the prophets, which were studied each week at Church. I also read over half of the BOM, which I can tell you is more that nearly every single Mormon that I have talked to. Lastly, I read current publications of the Church and Prophet, while exploring Church histories and my copy of the Missionary Reference Library (all 5 books). What I discovered was a long history of bravery and honesty on the part of many members, from the pioneer days all the way down to the Sisters and Elders who are scattered over the globe today. I’ve met Elders on nearly every trip I’ve taken overseas, with their unmistakable black slacks, white shirts, ties, and nametags. Always in pairs. On more than one occasion I have almost mistaken a Baptist for a Mormon, but as they approach, the nametag is the final giveaway. However, as I read Mormon literature, it quickly becomes apparent that although their prophets claim divine revelation, their revelation is neither divine, nor consistent. I feel that I could go on and on and on with examples, and anyone who has read this far likely knows enough about common Mormon controversies that I need not list them here. If you have not explored this subject with your heart, mind, and soul, I would encourage you to do so now. It is a matter of eternal importance. If you trust that I am honest, and made my inquiries honestly, and if you are firm in your belief of the church, then you should have no fear in taking my challenge to read a book about the Church that is not written by a member. What have you to lose? All you can gain is a greater understanding of the Church, and a better sense of an outsiders view on the Church, both of which would be powerful tools to have for a lifetime of sharing the Truth about the Church (which of course is one of the things commanded of us in life, to clear away chaos and lies, for truth and order). So, what do you say? If you need help getting started, the book Mormon America mention above is a good place to start. If you don't want to leave the comfort of your computer, there is a website that (though probably categorized as anti-Mormon) has taken some History and otherwise books and made them available online. This can be found at Utah Lighthouse Ministries. They break things down into manageable portions, but also allow for thorough exploration as well.

So, what now is my outlook on the Church? God is Just but Merciful, and will sow and reap where he wills. I believe that this will include some in the Church, but I also believe it will include persons outside of it. The doctrine relating to salvation is one of the hardest, and most divisive through the history of all religious faiths. Please understand that any discussion about it will be slow, frustrating, and very incomplete no matter the time and effort put forth.

I hope that this is not viewed as anti-Mormon, as I continue to have great respect for many Individuals in the Church and the work that they do. I cannot however, deny my testimony about the Church as a whole, and would find myself to be a liar to deny it.

Be Blessed in your Search for truth, and may God answer your prayers with clarity and understanding.



* At any point that ‘the Church’ is used in this discussion, I mean ‘the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints’, but prefer the abbreviation for the sake of my fingers and your patience.